#43 - TOP 3 WACK EXCUSES TO GET IN FOR FREE

You know, DJs gotta eat. You see, we spend most of our hard-earned ca$h buying records for your buttocks, so often times we go days without eating. Think that dude asking for change is homeless or a Haight Street Crustafarian? Nope, it's a DJ who spent all of his money on the "Music to Keep Marina Clowns at Bay" vinyl box set. So, that's why it's important we charge a cover. So that we can, you know, eat. Every so often tho, there will be some chicken head trying to make his or her way into the club without paying. Here now are some of the hottest excuses I've heard:

1. Big-ass Hummer Limo pulls up in front of a club, about 30 square yuppie men stagger out and rush the door, talking about, "Let us in or free! We'll drink a lot!" Oh well, shit, why didn't you say so!! That's EXACTLY what I want at my club! A bunch of loud, drunk assholes that will try and pick up on all the women, drive them out and then puke on the dancefloor! While I'm at it, take my credit card, all the drinks are on me fellas!

2. A group of hot girls roll up, talkin' about, "You NEED us, we're hecka fine and we came from San Jose and we don't pay covers." Oh well, how right you are young lady! When it's time to pay me gas bill, I'll just send them a picture of you with a note that says, "Sorry, I have no money for my bill because I let this fine girl into my club for free. But here, let me pay my bill with her good looks!"

3. Dude rolls up, talkin' about "I gotta look for a friend." OK, fair enough. I take his ID and the clown shows up 3 hours later, talkin' about "Where's my ID?" Your ID?? What, did you have to pass through my club to go find your friend in Fresno? Sorry, I used your ID for as a crutch for my roach, Pumpkin Head.

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